I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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