woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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