"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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