I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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