Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
