Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
