3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
