Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
