If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
