let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
