And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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