In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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