Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
