I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm lost and stupid without you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize