Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
