She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dignity is for republicans.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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