Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
