i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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