Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
