Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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