Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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