Duck Duck Cougar?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
