32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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