I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
