Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
