Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
