I puked a lego.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
