I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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