I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
