I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
