Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
