loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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