Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
