Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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