i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Help. Why am I so naked?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
