fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
