i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
