When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
