this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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