I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
