the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
