he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
