I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
