Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize