she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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