She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
