i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize