Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
