I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
