I can tuck mytits in my pants
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize