I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
