i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
