Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize