HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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