Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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