We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
