P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
