I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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