I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
