I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
