hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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