I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
