Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
