i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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