I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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