whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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